Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
im on a boat
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