Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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