dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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