i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
