TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
