I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize