About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
