I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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