i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
