I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The best revenge is premature balding
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
