Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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