I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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