but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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