I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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