Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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