one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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