He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have aggressive nipples.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
