so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
