Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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