physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
