No awkward lesbian experiences without me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
