ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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