In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
