you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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