I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
