I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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