Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
