is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
