i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
bring money and cleavage
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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