I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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