take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
