My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
