The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Help. Why am I so naked?
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