I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
