I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
