how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
