Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
