I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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