I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
