I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
