I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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