Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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