how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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