I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
