I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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