he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You pole danced in your parka.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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