What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
