Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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