Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
