are you so shy because you have an std?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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