ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
