The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
