Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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