Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
