just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
