we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
