I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
