okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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