Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
