my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
