Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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