So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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