i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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