Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
