I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
