I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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