you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
