watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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