Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
