Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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