now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
