Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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