Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
