That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it glows. i had to have it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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