Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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