she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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