Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
