Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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