There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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