if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
