im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When are your genitals available?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
