my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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