There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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