I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
