You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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