I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need moral support for this bender
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just high enough for therapy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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